he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
