closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
