Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize