you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize