And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had sex on a roof
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
