You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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