I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How does one acquire holy water?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
