I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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