if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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