I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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