come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize