Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
