Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize