Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
