i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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