Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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