i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
