All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
