everyone is single if you try hard enough
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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