Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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