What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
