I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
