drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
