I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
