Dignity is for republicans.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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