My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The air was thick with penises
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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