I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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