Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
