I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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