Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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