my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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