Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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