I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize