You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize