Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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