3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
