These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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