were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
