This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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