I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
