Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize