Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
