im drinking this country out of the recession.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
