hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
