i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
