Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
