My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize