It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
