i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
