And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
