sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
