i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
