Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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