not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we're making bets on your personal life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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