found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
