Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
