I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
