You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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