Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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