I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
