If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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