i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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