Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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