Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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