I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize