Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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