he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
