I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
