I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
