i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
