My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
